Heroine-Shriek

It has come time for me to address an issue plaguing both myself personally and more importantly the world. Often I find myself in South Beach or in another location of an Avant-garde scene where I will see a woman so starved for attention she starves herself. Please explain this fad to me. Yes it is true I love myself but not enough to want to engage in relations with my mirror image.

Now before I rant I must disclaim the following: In no way am I prejudiced against small breasts. Anyone who knows me could peer into my track record of past lovers to find all of them were pushing “A” cups if the stuffed midgets in their bras. I assure you my detestation does not spawn from this. It is the fact that said girls are so hell bent on being thin girls they end up looking like boys. Only closet homosexuals’ posses the wear-with-all to find such a girl attractive. In fact I know such a “protector of his sexuality” who dates one of these monsters of malnourishment, for this particular example he will be referred to as “Dane.” Dane finds it attractive to starve his girlfriend to the point of undernourishment as to make her look like his perfect male concubine. One question, where are the parents.

Any self-respecting parent would sit their beloved down and force-feed her a Big-Mac. I know mine would. This continuance in trend leads me to believe it must stem from daddy issues. Listen up sweetheart, keep making yourself thinner and people will continue to ridicule you. Which means only a matter time before you take their critiques as an excuse to skip a few meals. Come to think of it keep starving yourself, hopefully you will eventually cause your own demise and natural selection will carry on, business as usual. A tip of my hat to you anorexic, bulimic, or whatever you go by “twelve year old boy” looking girl. Continue to make your statement however small it may be.

Universal Student-Bros

Last night was the annual Universal Knights. One night out of the year, where the Islands of Adventure Park at Universal is open to only UCF students at no cost. Albeit it was a good result, but you couldn’t escape entering any line without having hear how funny Seth Rogan is from a member of I Felta Thigh or some other dense fraternity.

As the Dude would of seen fit, my heterosexual life partner Clark and I, started our night off Abiding with White Russians and Steve Miller. Much to my wallets chagrins, there were designated beer gardens where one could get nice and hammered and enjoy the wonderment at a minimal fee of $850 per drink. Luckily, there was a place to take out second mortgages at 5.4% FRM nearby. As Clark is not 21 I found myself sneaking him drinks out the back. It was a slippery slope, seeing as there were more cops there than at a black-pride/free doughnuts rally. It was a slope as slippery as John Travolta’s son’s bathtub floor.

Moving on, the lengthy lines made for perfect opportunities for me to amass material for my dastardly columns and to mac on the overwhelming amount of scene girls present. All in all it was a good time, for at least I know my fart jokes made at least four people laugh in the line for the dueling dragons.



Here is a Hooverville of a Supermarket. Part Supermarket, part souvenir store/ part Indian trading post

They Tried to Change the World and All They Got Was This Crappy Blog-Title

I am going against my norm of making fun of the snubs of society to have a rant about something a bit more significant. For those who are not in the know, there are thousands of young English people my age taking to the streets of London to protest the current world market crisis at the G-20 convention.

The G-20 is a group of finance ministers and central bank governors from 20 economies around the world. Every year those in the current Troika, take time off from their golf vacations to Saint Andrews to make decisions for us on how to address issues pertaining to the international financial system.

Now let me fuck you up with some truth. This all a mess of bureaucratic bollocks. In case you have been living under a rock, you should know that there is a one in five chance the United States will go into a Depression. We are facing a real threat of a real depression. It is time we stop these bourgeoisie republicans from critiquing our President every step of the way (I am willing to take a 7 and add one or two zeroes to it for the head of Rush Limbaugh).

We need to act with a common sense of purpose, optimistically and for the greater good of our world. If that doesn’t work join me in the streets for one hell of a riot. Setting fires to small businesses and all that bits and pieces.

Welcome to the Thunderdome

Call me Ishmael or better yet call me the single most opinionated fuck in the world. Though I must clear up some pre-emptive questions I’m sure you are all just dying to ask. In no way must you take anything I say here seriously. Take me with a grain of salt, much like someone with an affliction for affliction would do his shot of patron shortly after he mumbles something monosyllabic about how bad his tattoos hurt for his other paisons to understand.

The impact of having one's own personal long tail is huge. I see it as a way to expand my footprint and leave most (who don’t understand my sick and twisted brand of comedy
or for that matter any comedy to speak of) with a bad taste in their mouth.

Given the fact I have no advertising posts, my intent is not for traffic only to point of the variety of societal wrongdoings of the present, but mostly to shit on the "Conquistadors" of anti-culture, you know who you are. So sit back, dig, while I give each of you your respective mind fucks.

P.s. If you are unsure as to what type of person i was referencing to in the above this may clear it up..