Wednesday, November 11, 2009

To the G.I. Joes & Janes

True to most, the meaning of Veterans Day has been reduced to merely a " fall holiday off from school" or an "excuse for stores to have a closeout sale," but I see the true meaning of this extraordinary holiday. Today, I give thanks to brave men who fought for the freedoms I take for granted each day. Freedoms like: The ability to wear pants that clearly delineate the position of my dick in my pants, and amass great knowledge from good ole’ fashioned American websites full Christian moral values and a sense of propriety that could only be found in the cyber-pages of the American Internet. Revered web pages like: “Munchkins giving Blumpkins” or who could forget the ever-brilliant “8-Dudes, 1-Overweight transgender hooker.”

Yes, today is a solemn day for gratefulness and great remembrance but my fellow Americans, do not weep for these brave men, neigh, that would only serve to tarnish their valiant memories. Instead, live like the Americans they so courageously fought to protect. Boys, be on the wrong side of twenty and still try to “make it” in the music business. Girls, the same goes for you, only encourage these “saviors of senselessness” for they, are the true Veterans. As each day they wake up at the crack of noon just to get to the campus Starbucks on time for the mid-afternoon rush of unsuspecting girls clad in American Apparel who will spread their legs to a couple nautical stars on the arm and a MacBook. But I digress…

The true meaning of this holiday is to give thanks. So, to the men who fight tirelessly on the front lines of Afghanistan and GarageBand, I give my foremost gratitude. Thank you and the happiest of Veterans Days.

You may have realized I left out the servicewomen in this brief diatribe but never could I finish this important blog on a most important holiday without recognizing the true bravery, you ladies display. You carry the most important weight in keeping this great nation of ours from harm, preparing the meals and providing the services of your great breasts to ease the minds of our brothers in arms. Thank you ladies for putting the war on soap scum on hold long enough to fight the horizontal-war. You show true bravery in the face of protein-projectiles. I’m just foolin’ ladies you too are a very valued member of this great country and do much to better as well as protect it each day. I extend my deepest thanks to you, the servicewomen.

Besides, I love a woman in uniform. Just ask my girlfriend; on occasion I’ll have her dress up as a hooters girl when I feel she isn’t being enough of an easily-degradable whore.

TP – Always outnumbered, Never Outgunned…Happy Veterans Day.


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