Yesterday I went to the florida mall to master the flow-rider. The gayness ensued as soon as I walked in the door. I was visually asualted with ed hardy shirts and belts on sale in a mother-lickin skate shop. Epic. Simply amazing. The line has been crossed, Ed Hardy has now injected his grubby little dodgy tattoo soaked fingers into surfing and skate culture. Fuck You Hardy, stick to what you do best, clad the metrosexual "badboy" Italians. Last time I checked, the last time a surfer spent $60 on anything, it was on radical buds.
I digress, So I do the damn thing and in my normal fashion I master it in a matter of minutes. So now I'm impressing all the lil ladies that frequent the mall. Then as if in a pure coincidental stroke of cock-blockery they close the contraption so, get this, their sponsored flo-rida can practice for nationals. NATIONALS! Dear me, I must of forgot that the flow riding championships generate more of a crowd than winona ryder shooting ping pong balls out of her Sargent pepper. This is comical, I wonder if he picks up girls like this..."Hey.. oh yea I'm a pro flo-rida..wanna go back to my pad. My friend used to be a flo-rida.. yea he used to bang his girlfriend whilst on the rag. Now that is a real sport. You're just a pussy on a boogie-board my son.